American Dream

So, I'm on my way home from work, and I'm just so drained. It's not really the good kind of drained. The satisfied weariness I got when I worked on that roofing crew in Mississippi. No, my body isn't all that tired. I'm just worn thin somehow. Too much acting??? Maybe... Too Many Forced Smiles...Probably. I'm supposed to love everyone as myself, but I find it very hard to like them. I know that liking and loving don't, necessarily, have to co-exist, but I'm tired of it all. By, "it all", I don't mean 'them' or life in general. I mean living well short of the word of God. Not walking in the fullness of His presence or His truth. I've recognized something recently that has been bothering me, a little. When I've gone to confess my sins during my precious few times alone with my Maker. I can think of little to nothing to confess. Am I really that good?!? Or.... is it just that I have fallen so far from pursing righteousness that I have lost that blinding light in which the dark shadows of my heart and mind stand out so strikingly. Unless the mind and heart is focused on, and consumed with walking a certain way...THE WAY. Then how will it notice or remember if it falls short. A man walking a tight rope knows when he mis-steps. A man who is just haphazardly following a crack in the sidewalk, just whistling away as he mindlessly puts one foot in front of the other has no idea how many times he has mis-stepped. He doesn't have any idea how closely he followed the line. He maybe be sorry for his mistakes, but he hasn't truly sold out to walking that line or he would keep his eye focused on it. He would study ever zig and zag to the line. Not that even with all his energy focused on walking he could ever suceed completely, but he would have a much better understanding of the grace of God, the depravity in his heart, and his desperate need for God! It seems how everyone I work with sees themselves as pretty good fellows. That is to be expected, "Every Man's way seems right in his own eye"(Not sure of that reference, I'll find it for next post). How do you exlain Christ to someone who has no idea how much they need Him. Do I really understand how much I need Him? Probably not...