Deflated...

It is so easy to get discouraged in our Christian walks as we go about the everyday, mundane activities we must perform in order to live. As I leave work most evenings there is this vague uneasiness, this quasi-disappointment that settles in as I pack things up and head out the door. It has little to do with the actual job itself. It seems more related to this sense that I wasn't used by Him today. Sometimes our feelings are just that, 'feelings' and have no real connection with reality. Other times feelings can be used to help show us something we may not be able to see clearly. It seems to me their is some truth and fiction in these feelings. It is true enough that we can not always see what God is doing around us as we quietly continue to serve Him. We like to see very clear and overt ways in which Christ is moving and in and around us. He is never that easy to identify, though. I do wonder, though, whether I am doing all I can where I'm at. Am I doing, saying, and thinking in ways that are glorifying Him. Is my lack of faith or courage keeping people from coming to Him. Now that I say it out loud it does seem a little silly, but not totally ridiculous. I say I want to 'take up my cross', but I have a hard time even approaching the deeper subjects for fear of stepping on someone's toes. I will serve Jesus as long as he doesn't require me to look foolish or feel uncomfortable, right? That's biblical. I guess this just brings me back to the same place I've been so many times...standing on the edge of the giant chasm that separates what I am from what God wants me to be. The answer is still the same. GRACE....There is not other way. I guess its good aspire to be the mature, disciplined, holy, and humble soldier of the Cross. Its equally good to recognize the power and necessity of that grace. Lord, give me more grace that I may serve you better!